Another Isaan Wedding - Perk and Puii



Perk and Puii -Bai Sii Ritual, Their Wedding Ceremony

 During my stay here in Thailand over the past five years I have had the privilege and honor of attending several weddings.  Most of the weddings have been in Isaan and almost all of them have been Animist rituals.  Yesterday was a special wedding - Duang's son and my stepson, Perk, and his girlfriend, Puii, were married.

Shamans Prepare for Perk's Bai Sii

The afternoon before yesterday's wedding in Puii's home village, there was a gathering, party, and Bai Sii ritual in Duang's home village for her son.  It was an opportunity for the Groom's family, neighbors and friends to gather to wish him the best in his upcoming marriage.  It was also an opportunity to raise some money to help with the expenses associated in getting married here in Isaan.  As part of the Bai Sii ritual in Tahsang Village for Perk, people made monetary offerings.  Small plastic bags of raw beef were given to the people who made offerings.  As I sat inside of my mother-in-law's  market editing photographs from the past month and tending to our grandson, Peelawat, I witnessed a steady stream of people leaving the property with a small bag of beef or beef products.  Here in Isaan, very little of a cow is wasted.  Large bones were stacked on a plastic tarp most likely to be used for soup at a later date.  A section of small ribs completely stripped of meat was being eaten off to the side by two of the village dogs.  They were eating the ribs but not necessarily sharing the ribs.  There were several growls and bearing of canines as they devoured their "share" of the ribs.

As is typical for these celebrations, Duang's family had blocked off the street in front of their house with pavilions, tables, and chairs.  In the backyard, many men were busy cutting up beef and preparing meat for cooking.  The men had started drinking early in the morning as they started preparing the beef. Many Aunts were busy cooking over an assortment of charcoal and gas fired burners.  Duang, as Mother of the Groom had to be at the village early and supervise the preparations for the afternoon Bai Sii and proceeding party.  I brought my computer along to keep me occupied while Peelawat slept.  I do not drink when I am driving.  When I am offered drinks I tell the people that I have to drive and that the "Police like falang (foreigner) too much".  They know exactly what I mean, laugh, and do not take my refusal as a social slight or affront.  I have been stopped several times by Police at roadblocks when I was driving alone but I have always been waved through the roadblocks when Duang has been with me.  One time I gave the Police every piece of documentation that I had in the truck and on me but there still seemed to be some sort of a problem.  I called Duang and gave the cellphone to the Policeman.  When I got back on the cellphone, Duang was laughing, the Policeman was asking or was it "wondering?" if I could "give" him some money to buy a drink (I assume it was for a soft drink!).  She said to give him 100 baht ($3) and we were all happy.  A "speeding ticket" is 200 Baht so I hoped that I had purchased some good will on my way back home.  Once I was stopped at a roadblock for speeding which I was certain that I was not.  I protested but after coming to my senses I realized that paying the 200 Baht ($6 USD) fine was a great deal cheaper than any trouble I could be buying in fighting the charges especially with my limited Thai communication skills.  However I would not want to be stopped for any "reason" and have alcohol my breadth - especially alone.

Three Year Old Kwan Seems to Know What to Do

Kwan Checks With Her Grandfather For Reassurance During the Ritual

Perk's Bai Sii Ritual



An Aunt Wishes Perk Good Luck and Fortune

 I left around 5:00 P.M. after the conclusion of the Bai Sii ritual and returned home.  Duang stayed until midnight before returning to our home.  I did not stay for her youngest brother's "Mahlam Lao" show but Duang had family responsibilities to take care of.  The show actually ended around 3:00 A.M.  These are very social events and often when I am not drinking along with the crowd, the noise and commotion get to me.  I don't believe that it is because I am getting old because I detect the same traits in our two year old grandson!  I think that it because we both don't understand what all the noise and commotion are about and there are too many people wanting to be "nice" to us which makes us uncomfortable.  At those times we seek each other's company and go off into as quiet a corner as we can find.
In Isaan weddings take place on the morning of a predetermined day and specified time after consultation with a Monk who has the reputation for if not the ability to determine the future through study of numbers and other things.  He can determine the most advantageous times for undertaking significant events or tasks.

Perk Assisted By His Cousin Walking to Puii's Home

The groom walks to the bride's home as part of a procession of his relatives and local villagers. Mahlam Lao (local Lao music with a driving beat and heavy guitar component) is played either from the community loudspeaker or from a pickup truck mounted sound system. Puii's family had music blaring from large loudspeakers at the home of her sister where the Bai Sii was held.  Members of the wedding groom's procession amuse themselves with copious drinking of local beer and a potent whiskey called "Lao". The groom is shielded from the sun by an umbrella that is carried by one of the procession participants, in Perk's situation - his cousin who was a sort of "best man" for the wedding ritual. The umbrella also is the traditional status symbol and an honor for the person walking under it. There is a great deal of energy and joy associated with the walk to the bride's house with everyone dancing as well as cheering.  The female relatives of the groom sang a nice lilting song as they lead the way to the wedding site.


Perk and Part of His Extended Family On Their Way to the Bai Sii Ritual

Upon arrival at the bride's house, the groom hands over the dowry (Sin Sod) to his future Mother-in-Law. The size of the dowry (sin sod) is negotiated prior to the wedding and is dependent upon the age of the bride, her education, previous marriage(s), if she has any children and also the social status of the groom - if he or his family can afford more he is expected to pay more. A Thai farmer to a Thai young woman will typically have a dowry of 50,000 baht ($1,500 USD).  Since this is Puii's first marriage, she has no children, she is a college graduate, and she is an only child the sin sod was higher.  I once attended a wedding of a college educated young woman to a falang (foreigner) where the sin sod was 3,000,000 baht ($90,900 USD!).

In many cases the dowry is used to finance the wedding reception with the remainder being returned to the bride by her parents. The payment of the dowry is a sign of respect and prestige as well as a financial aid to the bride's family. Saving face is a very important aspect of Thai culture.  Another consideration of the sin sod is the fact that the groom goes to live with the bride's family either in their home or on their property in the parent's village.  The new son-in-law will be responsible for taking care of the bride's parents and participating in the family's farming or other business.  If his bride is the only daughter or the youngest daughter the groom through his wife will inherit the house and larger part of the lands.
Upon receipt of the Sin Sod, the bride's mother disappears to count the money.  The Sin Sod is later publicly recounted with great fan fare as part of the wedding ritual.

Before the groom enters the bride's home he must cross two bridges or rather barriers. Each bridge is usually a  gold chain held across the doorway, or as much of the doorway as it will stretch across, usually by younger relatives.  If gold chain is not available any flexible barrier will serve the purpose.  Each bridge is removed by paying a price - 200 baht in plain envelopes.



Puii Washes Perk's Feet 

 Having paid to gain access to the door the groom removes his shoes. His wife - to - be awaits him in her wedding outfit wearing some of the gold that she has been given by her husband - to - be. The amount of gold, a component of the dowry, has been negotiated and agreed to prior to the ceremony. Again this is a symbol of respect and security for the Thai people. Often Thai brides will use their gold to pay off debts and then buy back the same gold shortly after obtaining the necessary cash to get their gold out of hock.

The bride greets her husband to be at the doorway and washes his feet. Washing his feet is a public demonstration of her allegiance, and commitment to her future husband.



Pahn Sii Khwan

 After washing the groom's feet, the couple enters the room where the ceremony will take place. Upon the tile floor, sahts, woven reed mats, have been placed. A low table or several rectangular brightly multi colored pillows are used as the focus of the ceremony. An elaborate banana leaf and jasmine floral centerpiece with cotton strings hanging from it called a "Pahn Sii Khwan" is an integral part of the ceremony called "Bai Sii".  The Pahn Sii Khwan are handcrafted by elder female relatives or neighbors.  They are a handicraft that is unique to the Lao Loum culture.  Small bananas, globs of sticky rice (kao knieow), and boiled egg are placed within the Pahn Sii Khwan.  These objects which are consumed during the wedding ritual are representative of good luck, wealth, good health, and prosperity.

The Buddhist religion does not have a sacrament of matrimony or a wedding ritual. The commitment of a man and a woman to each other is a pact between themselves with their community and sometimes as well as Monks wishing them happiness as well as good luck. Upon completion of their public commitment to each other and receiving the blessings of the community, the couple register their marriage at the local town hall to formalize their union.  Monks did not participate in Perk and Puii's  wedding ritual which is not all that unusual for a wedding ceremony here in Isaan.

The Shaman Ties Cotton String to Perk and Puii's Wrists to Bind the Spirits

The "Bai Sii" ceremony, lead by a Shaman, is performed to obtain health, wealth and best wishes for the bride and groom. The Bai Sii ceremony is not reserved exclusively for weddings. It is also used for welcoming guests, conducted prior to or after long voyages, as thanksgiving for recovery from an illness or to help cure someone, and a part of the ceremony where children are named.  The Bai Sii is an Animist ritual common in Isaan as well as in Laos.

Cotton Strings Are Tied Around Wrist of Bride and Groom As They each Hold a Banana and Lump of Sticky Rice

The origins of Bai Sii are in the Animist beliefs of the Lao people. They believe that 32 spirits (Khwan) live within us and protect us. The purpose of the Bai Sii ceremony is to bind the spirits within us to prevent them from escaping and thereby causing problems.

As part of the wedding Bai Sii ceremony well wishers crawl up to the Bride and Groom with a money offering.  The offering is placed in their hand as the well wisher ties a cotton string around the wrist of each of them.  When the well wishers have tied the strings, they go outside to enjoy the food and drink (soft drinks, beer, and whiskey) that have been set up.  After the last well wisher has wished the newlyweds well, the Bride and groom give presents to their parents, grandparents, and selected relatives.

During the ceremony an elder of the village or shaman leads the people through the ritual. The bride and groom kneel before the low table or pillows with the left hand resting on the improvised altar. Their right hands hold a glass of alcohol - either beer or whiskey. In his right hand the groom also holds a boiled egg while his bride holds a ball of sticky rice wrapped in a banana leaf in her right hand.

The elder recites and chants from a book of prayers. Witnesses to the ceremony also recite some of the prayers. The prayers call all the spirits back into the body. The bride and groom light candles that are part of the ritual. A long string runs around the circle of the Bai Sii participants in the case of a wedding - the bride, the groom, and their immediate families - linking them together and with the spirit world.

Towards the end of the ceremony, the groom eats the egg and the bride eats the rice. The egg and rice are washed down with the alcohol to help nourish the 32 spirits.

The ceremony concludes with the shaman taking one of the cotton threads from the centerpiece and tying it around the right wrist of the groom and around the bride's left wrist. The new wife's family are next to tie strings around the wrist of the newlyweds. Everyone participates in removing a string from the centerpiece and binding the wrists of the groom and bride. The act of binding the wrists is also marked with personal wishes of good health and good luck for the couple.

After binding of the wrists, eventually the couple retire to the bride's bedroom where they sit together to receive blessings from their parents. They are now considered by the community to be man and wife now.

The couple then return to their guests and get down to some serious partying. Besides beer and whiskey, the guests are treated to special foods such as raw chopped up beef with chilies, cow's stomach, cow's veins, sticky rice, cooked pork, cooked liver, boiled pig skin, seafood dishes, fermented fish and vegetables.  It is a time of great celebration.

Tahsang Village Wedding

I started this blog last night but a powerful thunderstorm took out our power very briefly but wiped out our Internet access until this morning. On our way out to the Ban That International Rocket Festival this morning, we saw numerous large trees felled by the high winds as well as many billboards destroyed. Northeast of Udonthani, many rice fields were covered with water. The rains have arrived.

Yesterday, Sunday 25 April, we attended a wedding in Tahsang Village. The daughter of one of Duang's 93 cousins got married at her home. This was about the sixth or seventh wedding that I have attended here in Isaan. Just as in the case of funerals here in Isaan, weddings are "same same but different". There are many common elements in all weddings but there are some large differences mainly attributable to the social and economic status of the bride.

In Isaan, there is a custom and accepted practise of "Sin Sod". Sin Sod is essentially a dowry provided by the Groom and/or his family to the Bride's family. The payment is a complex and multifaceted act by the Groom. First of all it demonstrates his ability to support his wife to be - sort of ironic in that many Grooms have to borrow in order to accumulate the required funds for the Sin Sod. Secondly, payment of the Sin Sod is a display of commitment and respect of the Groom for the Bride as well as for her family. Lastly the Sin Sod is a form of financial support for the Bride's family. A large Sin Sod is also a sign of prestige for the parties involved - sort of bragging rights for both families. In Thailand as well as other Asian cultures, "face" is very important. A large Sin Sod buys a great deal of "face"

In Lao Loum society, children and grandchildren are obligated to care for their parents and grandparents. They do not rely upon any government social or economic safety nets which is good since there are not any. Families take care of families. Neighbors take care of neighbors. Within this social context, the actual burden of caring for parents falls to the youngest daughter. Youngest daughters in turn are rewarded for their care of their parents by inheriting their family's home and land.

When a man and woman decide to get married, the man will have a close relative or trusted friend approach the woman's parents to determine the amount of the "Sin Sod" as well as the "Tong Mun". Tong Mun" is "gold engagement". In Thailand, baht besides being the name of the national currency, is also a measure for buying and selling gold. A "baht" of gold here, 15.244 grams currently sells for approximately 17,300 Baht ($534 USD). Since gold in Thailand is 96.5% pure, approximately 23.2 Karat, a baht contains 15.16 grams of pure gold (0.528 ounces). The "Tong Mun" is given directly to the Bride and remains her personal property. Here in Isaan there is a thriving business in selling as well as buying gold. Many women will sell their gold back for a short period of time to bridge over difficult financial times. The Gold Shops act as Pawn Shops to help people out financially - of course for a fee. I suspect that the gold business is rather lucrative. Shops are located in the malls, in the western style "superstores", and as small shops in the towns. Kumphawapi is a small town with approximately 26,000 people with at least 5 gold shops that I am aware of. Gold is mainly sold in the form of rings, necklaces, and bracelets. Necklaces run basically in whole numbers of bahts - 1, 2, 3, baht necklaces. The buyer pays for the gold content with a small premium for craftsmanship related to the ornate work of the piece. The Tong Mun provides security to the woman. Security, for the Bride and her family, is a very important aspect of Lao Loum marriages.

Sunday's wedding was a different experience for us in that it involved rather well off families. Most of the weddings that we have attended here with the exception of a foreigner to a Lao Loum woman, have involved poor families. The Bride is the only daughter of a local politician and bureaucrat. Her family owns three homes in Udonthani province so they are relatively economically well off. The bride's father was associated with deposed Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawarta's government and party. Today, he is involved in what goes for Social Security here in Isaan - 500 Baht ($15 a month) for seniors. I also believe that he is involved with UDD ("Red Shirts")

Besides being the only daughter of an influential family, the Bride is a university graduate, has no children, and has not been previously married - all very desirable traits, all circumstances that warrant a higher Sin Sod and Tong Mun. The Sin Sod was 500,000 Baht ($15,151 USD). The Tong Mun was 10 baht ($5,242 USD - 5-1/4 ounces of gold). How do I know? Isn't it a secret? If you follow my blogs, you realize that there are no secrets here in Isaan. Actually in regards to weddings, the amount of the Sin Sod and Tong Mun is blatantly flaunted as part of the wedding ritual - more about that later in this blog.

We arrived in Tahsang Village around 9:00 A.M. to pick up our grandson to attend his first wedding. We left the truck at Duang's parent's home, and walked through the village to the Bride's home. Four canopies were set up around the home with decorated tables and chairs placed underneath them. Part of the home has a permanent covered terrace. For the wedding, the terrace was set up for the ceremony. There was a heart shaped gate way surrounded by balloons leading to the terrace. An elevated stage was set up on the left side of the covered terrace. The elevated stage had a computer monitor and a sound mixing board set up to support singing and dancing. Just outside of the terrace, four young women were busy putting on traditional costumes and make-up prior to their performance.

There was a desk where guests handed in their wedding invitation with their gift for the couple. In Isaan there is no danger of having two or three waffle irons as wedding gifts. In Isaan, guests provide gifts of money for the couple. This actually seems like a very practical custom. There is also a custom that takes some getting used to, a great deal of getting used to - the men at the desk open each envelop and announce the name of the donor as well as the amount of the gift over the loudspeaker for all in attendance as well as others living in the vicinity to hear. The announcement is not a matter of fact accounting of the gift but is very animated as if he were announcing the winner of a Muay Thai boxing match. I do have to admit though that he announced a 100 Baht donation with the same amount of enthusiasm and fervor as a 1,000 baht gift.

We sat at a table were were fed typical celebration food - raw chopped beef with chilies, sticky rice, cooked pork, raw liver, laab, raw cabbage, cucumbers, boiled pork internals, boiled beef internals, fried vegetable rolls - all very tasty and delicious.

In the center of the terrace, several sahts had been placed on the concrete floor. In the middle of the sahts was an ornate centerpiece called "Pahn Sii Khwan". "Pahn Sii Khwan" are made out of banana leaves and tiny flowers usually Jasmine Blossoms. Creating Pahn Sii Khwan is a handicraft emblematic of the Lao Loum culture here in Isaan as well as in Laos. The Pahn Sii Khwan serves as a sort of altar for Bai Sii ceremonies. There is no Buddhist marriage ritual in Isaan. The marriage ritual in Isaan has its origins in the Animist and Hindu rituals of pre-Buddhist times. In Isaan the marriage ritual is comprised of many separate rites.


The first rite is the arrival of the Groom and his family at the Bride's home. The Groom and his family and close friends walk to the Bride's home. Typically there is loud Mahlam Lao and Mahlam Sing music blasting from a sound truck following the Groom procession. On Sunday there was no music accompanying the Groom. However the people walking with him were singing and shouting. It was obvious that they were in good spirits - literally and figuratively. Weddings are a very joyous occasion in Isaan. One woman, the Groom's Aunt, in the procession carried a silver pressed metal bowl often used in Buddhist merit making rituals, upon which the Sin Sod (stacks of Thai currency)was prominently displayed. Another elderly woman, another Aunt, carried a gold pressed metal bowl upon which the gold Tong Mun was just as prominently displayed.

At the property line of the Brides home, two security men blocked the procession's entrance on to the land with a barrier made by holding a rolled up Pakama (cotton male clothing article) between them. This is typical. Usually younger sisters or female relatives will block the Grooms path with a "gate". They will tease him about why he is there and ask if is capable of taking care of a wife. When he pays the gate keepers some money, 500 baht ($15 USD), the barrier is removed. The groom then encountered a second gate - a string of gold chains. The married female relatives of the Bride offer their gold necklaces for use in creating the barrier. Duang had loaned her necklace for the cause on Sunday. The Groom was then questioned about being able to take care of a wife AND HER FAMILY. Still undeterred and not intimidated, the Groom paid another 500 baht and proceeded to the third gate.

After some more joking and a final 500 baht, the Groom had arrived at the heart shaped entrance to the covered terrace. At this point the Bride's cousin had him stand on banana leaves, remove his socks and shoes in order that she could wash his feet. This service cost him another 300 baht. This may cost him more in the future. traditionally as was the case for my wedding, the Bride greets her Groom and washes his feet as a demonstration of her respect for as well as her loyalty to her husband to be. On Sunday the Bride was not in sight at this point.


The Groom and his family removed their shoes as they positioned themselves on the sahts in front of the Pahn Si Khwan. A Brahman, a village elder who is familiar with spiritual matters and rituals, kneels facing the families. Duang's Uncle who normally handles these rituals is dying and was not in attendance. The Sin Sod and Tong Mun were given to the Bride's Mother. With a couple elderly women, I suspect that they were sisters, she went off to the side of the assembled families to count the offerings. Counting the Sin Sod and Tong Mun is more of a spectacle than a ritual. A cloth is placed on the saht and the stacks of money are placed on the cloth. The stacks are spread on the cloth and slid around sort of reminiscent of the Shell and Pea games that I witnessed once as a child in NYC's Times Square. Each of the women seems to have to handle each of the stacks of currency several times. The currency is then counted several times to ensure accuracy and to enhance the prestige of the ritual. The amount is then announced for everyone to hear. All the people smile in a demonstration of their acceptance and respect. The Bride's Mother then bundles up the Sin Sod in the cloth, places the bundle over her shoulder, and leaves the area to place the money in the home.


After the financial arrangements were verified, the Bride appeared and knelt before the Pahn Sii Khwan at the left hand side of her husband. At this point on Sunday, in a break from traditional ritual but most likely in deference to the prestige of the Bride's family, traditional Thai classical dances were performed in the Bride and Groom's honor by the women we saw earlier in the morning applying their makeup. I later found out that the dance performance had been a gift from the UDD (Red Shirts) political action group.

The Groom and Bride lit candles on each side of the Pahn Sii Khwan that remained burning for the duration of the ritual. To the left of the Pahn Sii Khwan several plates and bottles were placed on the sahts. There were offerings of green leaves, small yellow candles similar to birthday cake candles, bottles of Lao Kao (moonshine whiskey, "White Lightening"). These are offerings to the spirits. There were also boiled eggs, sticky rice, small bananas, and a sweet concoction of sticky rice with banana wrapped in banana leaves. These were offerings used by the Bride and Groom. There was a bowl of water that the Brahman would later use to sprinkle on the families using a green leaf in order to transfer the merit making of the ritual to the witnesses.

The Brahman lead the ritual which lasted about one hour. Female relatives placed the various pieces of gold jewelry from the Tong Mun on the Bride at the start of the Baii Sii Kwan ritual. A cotton string was held by the Bride and Groom which connected them to Pahm Sii Khwan. The string binds the spirits together to ensure good luck and prosperity for the couple. In another part of the ritual the Bride's Father and one of the Groom's Aunts, placed a floral garland on the head of the Groom and the head of the Bride further strengthening the binding symbolics.

At the end of the ceremony, all the people tied cotton strings around the wrist of the Bride and Groom to bind the 32 spirits inside of their bodies to ensure good luck and prosperity for a long as well as happy marriage. As the strings were tied around the wrist, each guest gave their blessing, best wishes, and encouragement to the young people.

It was now around 12:30 P.M. on a very hot day, so Duang and I returned to our home to rest and cool off before returning to the formal reception at a hotel in Kumphawapi starting at 6:00 P.M.

We arrived at the hotel for 6:00 P.M. and discovered that we were the first guests to arrive. This is Thailand and not America. I am constantly reminded of this by my wife but I still often forget especially when it comes to being punctual for scheduled events. No problem - we had spent a month at the hotel when we had left Vietnam two years ago so we wandered around renewing acquaintances with the staff.

Whereas the morning's celebration had been a Lao Loum event for family members, the evening celebration was more of a typical Western style reception with even a videographer. The Bride had changed from her Thai style gown into a traditional Western wedding dress. We had a wonderful evening - wonderful food, as well as plenty of whiskey. The guests were many of the local politicians, policemen, and government officials. I was the only foreigner but it doesn't bother me at all. The Lao Loum people are very friendly and sociable so I am never ill at ease.

One of the guests at our table remarked that the Groom was not smiling to which I quipped that he was thinking too much about the Sin Sod and Tong Mun that he had paid for. We all had a good laugh with the policeman at our table pouring me another drink. I was concerned about drinking and then driving back to Udonthani. Duang reassured me by saying that I did not have to worry - "Policeman not care. Night time Policeman go home not stop car. You drive fast or slow - up to you." I still made sure not to drink too much. We arrived home safely with many memories and photos of a fine day.